Since I’m not Muslim, I don’t know the Quran, and I’m not all that big on massive crowds, it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever visit Mecca, the Holiest city of the Muslim world. Don’t get me wrong, I think it would be really cool to visit and see the sights, watch the swirling masses of people all joining in a gigantic celebration and demonstration of their collective faith. Take a look at the Google Street View of the place, its surreal. At the same time, this is not a perfect utopian vision where all peoples in the city are all singing their own version of Kumbaya, of which this is my personal favorite rendering is below. There are indeed factions amongst the Islamic faithful, this much is evident in a brief viewing of world news over the last umpteen years. Sadly, for all concerned, it doesn’t seem to stop at mere divisions of believers, it gets much more extreme and ugly.
While I may not have the right to visit Mecca in my lifetime (Saudi Arabia only allows Muslims to enter the city), I understand that there are pilgrimages all over the world, each offering their own healing, enlightenment, or rebirth. Christianity has the Holy Land. Judaism has the Western Wall, a pilgrimage back to the site of the second temple. Hindus have the Kumbh Mela, which is touted to be the largest religious pilgrimage on the planet, more than 30 million in a single day in 2013. Insane people have presidential campaigns where they tour the great country of the United States of America and yell at people like stark raving lunatics that are fit for little more than a strait jacket and a padded, door less cell. Sadly instead we put these nutsos in charge of everything…this is what we get for giving up on Manifest Destiny and putting fluorine in our tap water I guess (P.O.E.).
The classic Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. (Sony Motion Pictures)
Out of all of these, I could currently care less. Right now, it’s March and I’m in Tampa. It’s the best pilgrimage of all: SPRING TRAINING.
I have ended up in Tampa, a mere 2.7 mile jaunt down the street to the George M. Steinbrenner Field, spring home of the Damn Yankees. Putting things into perspective, I am closer to baseball right now than any of my fellow fantasy league devotees will be for weeks, measurable in mileage ticked off in triple digits. Eat it.
I am not an expert on pilgrimages, but for the following observations, I am willing to self-appoint myself to this lofty title, Grand Poobah of All Things Pilgrimage, The Winning Run edition (GPoATPTWRE for short). I know some things about a few pilgrimages, so I think that makes me expert enough to do this job, so let’s get started.
The Grand Poobah (Hanna-Barbera Productions)
The people. There are tons of people traveling here in Tampa wearing their favorite team’s logo/merchandise/moniker on their bodies somewhere. I am usually the sole person traveling that is sporting any form of a baseball T-shirt. My favorites are always Minor League teams, but I will also sport the big boy’s threads too, if the feeling strikes me. Last night was the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, go and see their bat dog, it’s worth it. Tonight I have shared my elevator trips with Pirates, Orioles, and Yankees fans. I’m calling that a first for me to make three consecutive trips in the same elevator and see three different offerings of fan wear en mass.
Minor League Baseball is always fun. (The Winning Run)
The traffic. Tampa traffic sucks. I’m not sure if this is just a Spring Training thing, or a Tampa thing, but someone needs to learn to get their red lights in some sort of order. Right now, I think rabid squirrels, high on peyote, that are drowning in Jell-O pudding, must program them. I’m serious, traffic here is dumb in the face.
The businesses. There are marquees up around town welcoming fans from the closest team in Spring Training. People love feeling like they are being acknowledged, this prompts businesses to get desperate and put up things like this. A fool and his money…
Don’t waste your money. (The Winning Run)
Breakfast. I went down for breakfast this morning, and in any other place that I’ve stayed before, when breakfast is offered, there is usually a decent mix of men and women staring blankly into space drinking a hot cup of coffee that likely tastes like a sweaty sock (I’m not a coffee fan, so I assume all coffee tastes this way). Tuesday morning I went down, presented my breakfast voucher, and observed something quite to the contrary. Out of roughly 40 people eating, a visual guestimate would place the male to female ratio somewhere in the vicinity of 39:1, with the one being roughly 5 years old and hyper.
The pool. The lady at the front desk made a big deal about giving me a room with a view to the pool. Fine by me, I enjoy people watching. I took a glance out my room last night and noticed the following: a hot tub directly outside my window with seven guys and zero girls. Again, the proportions are all kinds of off. If these guys were like the standard spring break bro bunch, they are picking a bad location to stay, roughly 45 minutes from the beach, and are striking out desperately with the ladies.
It’s Tampa. Why else would you come here? We queried a taxi driver we had a few years back that was taking us to Tropicana Field on what else there was to do in and around Tampa. His reply, “There’s nothing to do here in Tampa. This is God’s waiting room.”
The above evidence is admittedly circumstantial; there is no cause and effect directly shown. I may have shown up in a demographic anomaly where men outnumber women in ways that typically lead to war. It could be that the International Sausage Festival is at the Tampa Convention Center this week and I’m just out of the loop on deliciously spiced and flavorful tube meat meet-ups. Another idea all together is that Mango is dancing this week at a club in Tampa. People must have Mango, but Mango says “No!” If none of these things are true, then we should probably follow the logic of Occam’s Razor and pick the outcome that has the fewest assumptions as being true. There is a pilgrimage going on right now, and its destination is baseball.